Can you believe that after all of this time (6 months) I STILL kick myself for not staying at my parent’s house the day my daddy died. Each time I stumble upon the picture of him right before he died, I am taken back to that decision I made.
Oh to have a do-over.
That day my sister and I had been out shopping to find something for our mother to wear to daddy’s funeral. We knew daddy would die soon, but we had NO IDEA it would be that very day. We came back and filled the room with laughter. Our cousin Sarah and her husband Ken were visiting daddy (which was such a blessing). At this point my daddy really couldn’t communicate with us. I had teased him about an hour before he died and said, “I’m sure daddy has seen enough of me” (since I had been there at least every other day for the past 10 years) and he managed to mumble out, “Never enough.” Sigh … what a precious gift.
My sister was the first person to leave … then my cousin left. Selfishly I thought that if I left I would actually have an hour to myself before I needed to pick up my daughter from a friend’s house.
WHY DIDN’T I STAY?
I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to stay, but I dismissed His voice and decided it was just guilt. Surely it was the same guilt that attacked me each time I left their home.
I hugged and kissed my parents. I told my daddy, “I love you daddy. I’ll see you again soon.” Sigh … well, those words were fulfilled for sure.
All of the way home I kept feeling like I needed to turn around. I couldn’t shake it. The second I walked in my door I said out loud, “Lord, do I need to turn around and go back?” The moment I said that, my phone rang to say that daddy had died. I was 15 minutes away from being there when he died.
Why did God want me to stay?
What would I have seen?!?!?!
I feel like there was a reason I was supposed to STAY.
Argh. That question will probably always be on my mind.
STAY.
Today I am linking with Lisa Jo for her 5 Minute Friday party. She provides the prompt and we write for 5 minutes to see what comes out. Today’s prompt is: STAY.
Please click on her button below:
Oh my, what a hard thing to think back on. Praying God would give you peace in the way events unfolded, rest from the wondering… bless you, sweet friend. {{hugs}}
We can never know when a person’s body will leave us. But one thing we can be sure of: their spirit stays with us; as the the memories of the time we spent with them when they were alive.
wow, thanks for sharing. a situation like that is upon our family, trying to decide if today or sunday is the day we visit my husband’s grandmother. We would love to say “goodbye and see you in heaven” before she goes…
Your words always bless my friend.
Oh Beth, I hear you. I too have missed moments when I sensed His Spirit whispering and I got busy. But you spent time with your parents and were such a good daughter. But I hear you …
Sending you a hug,
Debbie
Beth, surely…SURELY our God could have caused you to stay if that was his determined will. I believe he wants you to let go of this regret. Isn’t it just as possible that He drew you away, in spite of your second guessing? Surely… SURELY our God is capable of answering the plea of his daughter for direction. Either way, parting from loved ones is a tearing of the heart and I am sorry for your loss. ~I ask our Father for Blessings upon your memories.
Aren’t we always plagued with the “what if?” questions. But we know…everything happens for a reason…But I pray that His voice will also minister to you whenever you have those “what if” moments…Your dad must knew how much you loved and cared for him and that’s what matters. Because love transcends…It never dies…God bless you dear sister.
Beth, I feel for you sweetie. My daddy has days when he doesn’t even know that I exist. There are days that He can tell me about me school years. I pray daily that God will remove Daddy from this world sooner than later so that the dementia will not rob him of everything he once was. I know I am so selfish. Don’t beat yourself up. You were a good daughter.
Oh Beth, the could’avs, should’avs and would’avs would rule our lives. Fortunately, God can take all those, and more!, and make something beautiful, for His glory.
Yes, perhaps God a lesson for you but, it seems to me, you’ve learned the lesson He …to listen and heed His whisper.
Complete LOW tech, (computer) illiterate person am I!
Yes, perhaps God *had* a lesson for you, but it seems to me, you’ve learned the lesson He *has*…to listen and heed His whisper.
Reads ever so much better when those two words aren’t left out. So, I don’t think I’ll, ever again, believe “wanting to leave an emphasis on your comment”…HA!
Oh I can relate. Death is so hard and I think everyone left behind to mourn has their own regrets. My father in law passed away in early September and it was only hours after the traditional time our family would have spent time with he and my mother in law for Sunday evening dinner. This particular Sunday I had chosen for our family to hang out with friends instead. I’m still kicking myself for not giving my daughters one more visit with grandpa before he passed and for not giving the same to my husband. “If only” are words that run through my mind frequently. But we just never know when a loved one will take their last breath.