Hey Folks,
Can I just be raw and honest with you? I am struggling today. Not in a way that is oppressive or anything, but just feeling a bit emotional about my weight loss journey.
I’m telling you, I think I do much better when I don’t look at the scale. Those numbers are just flat out depressing.
I haven’t said a lot about this, but I was asked to join a weight loss group to encourage and challenge each other to improve our choices and lifestyle until Christmas. This has caused me to focus more on my body, my measurements, my weight – sigh.
Logically, I can look at my before pictures and look at myself now. I know I’ve come a long way. However, I know that there is something that still needs healing. I still have 30 pounds to go and sometimes I wonder if I sabotage myself. Is there something in me that doesn’t think I’m worth it? What is the deal?
I was watching The Biggest Loser on Tivo this afternoon and I caught myself wanting to cry with these people. I felt a fear that I would gain this weight back in the future. It is a mindset thing or a demonic attack — I’m not sure.
When I see people like my sweet friends Angie (Free Spirit Haven) and Paula (His Living Sacrifice) who have come so far … I wonder, “Can I ever look thin like that?”
Why did I allow myself to be so overweight? I knew I was fat, but I didn’t REALLY care enough to do something about it. Yeah, I wanted to feel good about myself … I wanted to look beautiful for my husband, yet I went about my life for many years — settling.
I haven’t been a comfortable size since we first married (20 years ago). I want to wear jeans, sit down and not have a roll of yuck hanging over the top of my jeans. I know many of you can relate.
That is my physical desire: 1. Wear jeans without junk over the top! 2. Do real pushups. I’ve never been able to do a pushup and I want to be strong enough to do real pushups. Ok, I guess that is my wish list. Ha.
Like I said before, I have come such a long way. I just don’t know what it is going to take to get to my goal.
Since you’re my sounding board, I thought I’d just throw that out there. I’m exercising each day (thanks to this challenge I’m in) and hopefully I will start to see some changes soon.
I could do another blog on my spiritual wish list. I won’t combine the two today — though really I can’t have one without the other.
I’m really not asking for advice or pity. I just know that others can relate.
(This picture was taken last night.)
Girl, you sure need glasses! I look at you and wish I could be as skinny as you. You are gorgeous. I know though it wouldn't hurt us to let go of these last few pounds. I still suffer from a little dunlap disease, dun lapped over my jeans, lol. You will reach your goal…and I'm cheering for you!! Love ya!!
I relate more than you know. When I was about 35 (over a year and half) I lost 120 pounds. I kept it off for several years. I felt great, etc. Then I went thru a horrific divorce, went to nursing school, developed an auto immune disease and raised multiple teenagers. During that season I gained about 50-60 pounds back and now I have the same yuck roll, etc. I am miserable, yet there are days like today when I make bad choices. They all boil down to my feeding my heart and not my belly. Tonight's sin was breyers peach ice cream.
Let's just agree to pray for one another. We are in the same boat or similar boats. We both need to make better choices and not allow satan to tear us down.
Thanks for being you and being honest. I needed to hear this post and realize I am not alone. I know I am not, but I needed to hear it today.
Blessings and hugs, andrea
Listening here…and yes, I can totally relate! Praying hard that the yummy hamburger and fries I had for lunch will all dissolve and not sit around my waist! 🙂
Be strong sister…in the Lord's mighty power! Blessings and love to you.
I can totally relate, but you are doing something about it. You will achieve your goals. Try the shred my friend. It really does work.
I think you are beautiful the way you are! You look great to me!
Well, you know I hear you, Beth, because I'm in the same group, and sometimes, it does seem to be focusing on our bodies, but we know it is a spiritual problem, not a food problem. I really want to change my thinking…that is the root of overeating. I don't think it's a demonic attack, but a mindset that stems from believing lies…lies that we tell ourselves. I tell myself I can eat a brownie or two helpings of spaghetti and 3 pieces of garlic bread and not lose weight. That's a lie, and its no different than an alcoholic telling himself that he can drink and not get drunk. After the drink, or the spaghetti, guilt sets in…that's when we get the attack…the accuser rushes in to discourage us. And I think another thing is, at least for me, I don't take care of my own needs…just like you said, I "settle" for being the way I am. I'm not offering any answers, because I don't have any, but I do know that with a changed mind and heart, through the power of the Holy Spirit and truth, we can conquer this…in the meantime, we just can't beat ourselves up…we're loved the way we are, and that's what counts.
As far as push ups, I have NO desire whatsoever to do them! There's got to be an easier way to be healthy and trim! And I agree with the previous comment…you look great!
God bless,
Mary
i agree with paula- you need glasses!! you are thin, crazy lady!!
~hugs~
Beth, two exercise tips for weight loss are to include aerobic exercise and weights. Don't do the two together. Go for a brisk walk through that corn maze of yours for about 30-40 minutes. Three days a week lift light weights. Between those two, over time you should see results.
As far as the eating goes, lots of fruits and veggies. Portion control is key. And eating what you can realistically live with. It's not a diet; it's a lifestyle and one you want to teach your little girl.
As I write this, I have to admit that I too have been remiss for the first time in my life. I've been going through very challenging times in the past year and have not been consistent in my exercise and I've been eating more ice cream and sweets that I ever have in my entire life and I hate it. So, I do understand.
I need to lose about 15 pounds. I am at my heaviest weight in my life now. And this is the first time in 30 years of exercising that I've not been consistent. So, let's encourage one another and not beat ourselves up.
I love you and will be there right with you even though it's not in person.
Love you,
Debbie
Yes, I can totally relate, Beth!!!
I think that Shred video sounds really good!!!
Dear Beth! In that photo from the other night I think you look fantastic!!! I am envious! I used to be a size 12 (uk) but since having the kids have ballooned and am now a size 16. I look fat! I hate that muffin top over the jeans too. So I just don't wear jeans!
Don't beat yourself up girl as believe me you look fantastic!
Love Collette xxx
I still have 30 pounds to go and sometimes I wonder if I sabotage myself.
I have felt the Lord speaking to my spirit..your almost at the finish line, and here you are,,sabotaging. 30 more pounds to be released. Have you been diligent? Have you been consistent?
I can see the 'ribbon' at the finish line Beth. Losing all that other weight just seemed so effortless,,and now these 30 lbs have hung on like a Goodrich tire. Yes, a Goodrich tire girl!! It's there.
I know that there is something that still needs healing.
oh girl,,I KNOW there is within me,,and I praise God,,I PRAISE GOD what He has started He WILL complete.
Gotta go, daycare parents have arrived..will share later..love you
I'm struggling with my weight and depression BECAUSE of my weight. I fear seeing the numbers on the scale. I just stay so HUNGRY! I try to convince myself that it's ok to just eat a few more bites, or eat just one more piece of cake. Then I feel guilty for eating it. I can totally relate to anyone that has struggled with weight loss. Smiles to you:)
I'm sending you a hug….I relate to struggling. We all have our things that we struggle with. Mine is not weight right now…it was at one point in my life. I remember those days well. I hate the scale and feel that they should be banned. They are so discouraging. How your clothes fit, how you feel are way more important. Hang in there!!
Hi Beth
O boy can I relate and it's hard to keep it off!! I lost all of that weight from a size 24 to a 14 and now I'm back in a 22 yep! But I thank God I'm not as depressed as I use to be and I'm praying for God to help you keep it off,and you pray for me to get it off and keep it off.It seems to be a mistery to me lol why can't we keep it off,but God has the answer for us so we'll keep praying for each other.
Love you Beth
I've lost 25 lbs. over the last two years and though I'm not actively trying real hard, I would like to lose a few more. I got on the scales this morning and when I've starved all week and think I've lost, I see I've gained about 3 pounds. When I eat tons of Halloween candy and expect to have gained, I haven't. Weight loss is a constant emotional rollercoaster but you are on the right path. We all know you can do it!!
Beth, I think you look fabulous! But, I can totally relate. I always hated when people made like of how I "felt" about my body, weight and size by saying things that they meant as compliments. I am the one who see what I look like in my birthday suit without clothes to help hide the areas that I hate. I don't get hung up on the numbers on the scales but more about the size of my clothes.
So, I will pray for you. You will get to where you want to be because you are strong and determined.
I just started Round 2 of my weight loss program. I don't feel like it is going as well as it did Round 1 but I will keep trying.
Hang in there! There are so many people who feel exactly the way that you do, including myself and your wish list is reasonable.
(((hugs)))
Wow. Look at all this support. And, as I skimmed the comments (I'm not a comment reader but I need all the help I can get with this also), I can so see this is a struggle of so many ladies. Like the other Paula, I look at you and think I wish I was as thin as you. I wouldn't say I'm excessively overweight but boy I'd be satisfied with losing 15-20. Heck I'll take a 10 lb reduction. I lost 20-25 when beloved left over a period of four months of not eating. I loved it. I remember looking in a mirror while waiting in a line. I literally had to do a double take…I had no butt…or rather I had a desirably sized butt instead of the extra packaging down there. I loved wearing jeans. I hate jeans now…I hate how tight and uncomfortable they are.
At any rate, I'm sure you are well encouraged now. I'm convicted. Seeing how hard you, Paula, Angie, all the other commenters and me…crying over being depressed by my weight, yet I still order pumpkin pie at Frisch's drive thru. Some disorder of mine thinking I must have a sweet after lunch/dinner. Many times, i can be satisfied with an apple or fruit. I just hate this emotional roller coaster…not feeling good about myself. I felt SOOOO good and looked the best I ever had. I was wearing size 6 dress pants…can I say oh my gosh. How hard can it be to lose a couple pant sizes. For cryin in the rain.
Oh, and exercise…i say I have to, I guilt myself and then I come home and not do it…in my mind I have a cry baby fit…whining in my head…but I don't want to.
I wish I was like one of your previous commenter (see I'm too lazy to cruise up and get her name) who's life was ingrained with exercise…to have part of my lifestyle and for it to be odd without it.
Beth, I think you are gorgeous! But, I do understand where you are… sort of. I can't bother to try to lose weight right now, but my body is not the same after having my munchkin. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but sometimes it would be nice not to worry about that muffin top. You'll get there! 🙂
Dear beautiful sis, I totally understand where you are coming from. I weighed 258 pounds back in 2006, now I weigh 184. But, I still have so far to go. I am huge. I love you, you will succeed.
You look beautiful to me. If you feel you need to loose a few pounds do so, but not too much.
Eat sensibly, and keep excising.
Wow…you have come so far…but I understand how you want to keep going and make it to the TOP of the mountain…just before I finished my BA I almost quit…my kids, poor hubby, my commuting…I was tired…but I pushed through…that's what we have to do with our weight….just push through! This is what I needed…to help me push through…blessings! and remember weight is just a number…but you and God knows where you are to be…people tell me…you've lost 15 lbs…well be happy with that…but I desire more…and I need to push through so it's 20 and 30 and 40 and 50! Praise God it can be done….In Jesus Name!