On Mondays I participate in the “Not Me Monday” meme and really enjoy sharing my funny mishaps, but this is the not so funny version.
On Friday, my little princess had whined a little too much … my hormones were raging just a little too much … so when I received a guilt ridden message on my phone, I flew out of the coo-coo’s nest. One of my family members had left me a message with a short list of functions I had not attended (judgment) with a dose of sarcasm to add some flavor. It flew all over me. My poor Mom has used the guilt card most of my life — so hearing it from someone else who knows should know better just hit a nerve. I called this person and didn’t hold back my frustration. Even though “for me” I was strong with my words — it was probably nothing. But I apologized as soon as I said it and felt like I had blown my testimony out of the water. Sigh. (Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut sometimes?)
Then yesterday … after posting my wonderful worship video (of course that took place first thing in the morning BEFORE the rest of my family awakened), I was under attack again. My dear Boaz said something to me and immediately I began to hear old tapes. I became that little girl inside and felt like a failure. CAN I JUST SAY I HATE SATAN? This all happened after I spent time praying for my husband and our church service. Figures, right? “Boaz” was hurting because of the tapes HE was hearing as a failure concerning what he thought was a missed business opportunity. I was receiving it as “my fault” — argh … satan! What a way to start off a Sunday morning. I knew I couldn’t let “Boaz” see my hurt before church because that is EXACTLY what the enemy wanted to happen. Even though that particular incident was captured and covered in prayer, the rest of the morning and early afternoon seemed to be bumpy (other than the time we were at church).
My petty grievances Friday and yesterday were NOTHING in the grand scheme of life. Just yesterday my pastor was talking about how apostle Paul found contentment in PRISON. Here I am, so blessed, and I allowed such silly things to take me off course. When it gets to this point — I know I’m living off of yesterdays manna and I need to get back on track.
I am especially ashamed to complain after I read this post today. Please visit Angie and pray for her family. Her post is entitled “The Worst Results Ever” … and she isn’t kidding. They could use your prayers.
I pray I will be so full of God’s Word and His peace that there won’t be any additional room for my fleshy ways and attitudes. I need a good dose of Jesus right now. I think I’ll go sit at His feet for a while.
Bless you all — and thanks for “listening” … 
Beth, I so love your openness and transparency! People usually don’t get to hear other folk’s challenges.
Especially when my kids were growing up, there were many times when I wished there was a big red button I could hit to stop the world so I can get off!
I never forget, my worst times were when I picked them up from school in the afternoon. There were my two young heroes fighting and bickering in the back of the car. I found that if my nerve resources were good, I could ride through it all well (funny how kids have an inner radar that picks out mom’s stress levels, and then some ….) Personally I learnt to be careful that my body had extra doses of Magnesium and a good Vitamin B complex … especially during and before those days of the month when the hormonal stress receptors are quite active… and yes, I also tend to have challenges when I have not had enough sleep … a good time to want to pull other people’s heads off …. LOL.
Like a broken record, I am saying it again: Beth, I can so relate! If other people are honest, they would say the same. It’s called life, and we all want to be so very perfect in our Christian walk ….
You’re such a wonderful person, so delightfully real and human, and this is what makes you so very lovable!
Beth – sweet friend and sister!
Please don’t let the enemy win and allow one moment of condemnation.
Pride is such an ugly thing that we must bring to the cross moment by moment some days. For me I know that almost every single issue in our marriage all stems from pride!
I remind myself of Luke 9:23. A dead man can’t have their feeligs hurt. A dead man can’t argue. A dead man doesn’t need to be loved first to love. A dead man doesn’t care who is right.
When we die to self and pick up our cross and follow Him – letting Him lead truth and love will flow from us. Anything else is impossible!
Hugs and love! Be encouraged and of good cheer – He that called you is FAITHFUL! His love never fails!
Jill
We have all been there Beth and I can totally relate. If I could just bottle up how I feel after I lose it and loose it before I lose it–then I would know the feelings I am in for and would respond differently but since that is not possible I must exercise discipline… and satan is real and when we have spent time with Jesus in prayer and thoughts he gets mad! he will find ways to steal our joy and he has stolen mine before…but we are children of the Most High God and He knows our hearts and He also knows satan… so take care Beth you are among good company.
Sweet Beth,
First, I went to the other blog and thank you for sharing that with us..I want to be praying for Angie and Brian.
Next, I love that you laid this challenge out and then said you were going to spend time with Jesus. Being still before Him will refresh you, sweet one. Please don’t let the enemy trick you into thinking you are alone here or rob you of another minute thinking about this.
In the 10th Proverb we are told that in the multitude of words sin is not lacking. I know when words come at me as a form of manipulation and guilt it is the hardest thing to be still and not respond. And I have failed at that more times than I care to admit…but so glad God is not done with me yet and He is so faithful to teach me more and more.
Praying His peace upon you and your Boaz this day. His mercies are new for you, sweet sister! It’s a promise!
Much love to you!
Hi Beth,
Thank you for sharing your heart. We all have come to this place where you are. Its not a pretty place to be but I always try to remember it is a breeding ground for God to do something great in your life…fine us, tune us, mold us!
I jumped over to your friends site and oh my…that family needs prayer,. I have said a prayer for them this morning. May God pour peace and wisdom into that family!
Thanks for sharing today – love, Laurie
Beth, Sometimes it takes a dose of relativism to make us content. Why is that??? Even in our situation, I still know that we are better than many. We have a home. We have running water and coats and TV’s and toys. We have SOOOO many family and friends all around us helping us out. There are many who are alone.
Still, when my friends tell me they are ridiculous for having their own petty issues, I tell them it is relative. A few years ago, those things were issues in my life, too. It is human nature to have issues in our lives.
KEEP BELIEVING
Beth each day I struggle with what I call the nazi moments, where i am not living or speaking the way I want to. Your transparency is a blessing my bloggy friend and thanks for the award!!! my blogs would not load!!
Hey REAL BETH!
thanks for your comment on my blog this morning.
I was chicken little so I turned on my comment moderation 'just in case after that post.'
It's off now…
read your previous post too (I'm not laughing, okay maybe judt a little.)
thanks for being real. I'm learing that Christians are not perfect and that is why we NEED Jesus.
May we pick back up as He dusts off the grime (again), thank Him for unending grace and every new morning, and stive to serve Him with joy in all things, because we love Him only because He loved us first. Thank You Jesus You are our perfection, and especially that you always fill in the gap when we fall short, I pray I never ever take advantage of that.
Happy Day dear sweet friend!
Luv & Hug, Deanna
I’m here to pass along a little award to you. I hope you don’t already have it! :O)
You know, I had to laugh b/c yesterday, our pastor told a story about this past week he was in a place like Starbucks getting coffee, and it took them 3 times to get his order right. So, he said he kept his cool b/c God has made him apologize so many times, that he has learned not to lose it. He said the guy that served him finally asked him if he was ready for the weekend, which meant, he attended church where he preaches….so, he’s glad he was nice! :O)
My sweet friend, don’t for one minute let satan continue to attack you with guilt. As you know from a post of mine last week, satan is on the rampage and he’s after all of us. But remember, you and Jesus are the majority and the power.
We have all “been there, done that” and none of us are pleased with ourselves because of it.
No longer than I have “known” you, I know that you are a wonderful wife, mother and daughter of the King. You bear Godly fruit. Just run to our Father and allow Him to wrap you up in His big ole’ arms and love on you. It will bless you as much as it blesses Him.
Love you my friend!
Deb
Beth, I’ve been there. I’m the world’s worst at saying things I shouldn’t–especially to my husband. My mom tends to play the guilt trip card with me as well, and so I tend to avoid the “potential controversy” if I can, which means I sometimes avoid her when I shouldn’t, but I do as a way of protecting myself. Such irony. God is so good and merciful, we have to remember to forgive ourselves since He already has. I’m my worst critic. Thank you for being so open and honest.
Oh Beth, you are so special! I love your heart that is always open to the Spirit, even when you mess up. I think we have all been there. At least I know I have :o) It is a constant struggle for me to watch what comes out of my mouth. I am so thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness.
Thanks you for sharing from your heart this morning. I follow Angie’s blog and had the exact same feeling. Who am I to complain? I am praying for this dear family.
Take care my friend!
I pray that today is a better day!
I know exactly what you are going through! I dealt with hormonal issues for many years…I became an emotional basket-case!
I learned to recognise when my reactions were based upon my cycle, and that made situations a little easier to deal with.
I also learned to warn hubby and sons ahead of time. Not that I was giving myself permission to behave in an unkind manner, BUT if I did overreact to something, then they knew not to take it personally. It made a big difference in our family.
Praying for you…this, too, shall pass (I promise)!
Love you
Thank God His mercies are new every morning!!
Hugs to you Beth!
Alicia
Oh… I know we can all relate to days like this (I sure can). It seems like the enemy picks the times when our hormones are raging to kick us when we are down.
I’m so thankful that the Lord is gracious and compassionate with us and He gives us the wisdom to know who ultimately wins the battle.
Thanks for sharing your heart! You are a constant encouragement to me! : )
Love to you!
Beth, you have an amazing testimony here. You have kept short accounts. We all sin. We all stumble and mess up. But through the Scriptures you have been taught, you have been convicted, you have corrected your course and you continue to be disciplined and trained in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).
Blessings to you this day.
We all have those moments, my friend! I am always asking God to shut my mouth!!!! It is hard to die to self when someone says hurtful things, and I wish I did more of it instead of responding first without thinking.
BTW, loved the not me’s!!
Beth, I love the transparency that you display on your blog. We have all been there whether we want to admit it or not. We have all said things and immediately wanted to grab the words out of the air and stuff them back into our mouths…but we can’t.
I am amazed at the similar theme in several blogs that I have read today.
I wrote mine last night titled…It’s A Brand New Day! and finished it this morning…before I read yours. Our hearts are in one accord.
Lamentations 3:21-25
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: (22) Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. (23) They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (24) I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” (25) The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; (NIV)
I love you, girl!
Jenn
Hi Beth,
Thank you for your blog! It’s so nice to read and I find it inspirational.
Love,
Ks