Please forgive me for whining this morning. I really am a blessed woman. Seriously! But I’m also human and get frustrated. Sigh.
I really would love just a day of down time. Just one day would be nice. Of course, most of the people reading this are in my same shoes. A lot of your are either working full time, or SAHM’s with kids all around. Most women don’t get a break (sorry guys, but most men don’t have the full time responsibility for the kids).
I just got back in town last night and the first words out of my Mom’s mouth this morning were “What are you doing today?” I wanted to cry — still might as a matter of fact. I wanted to throw a pure fit and say, “I AM STAYING HOME.” Of course, my husband has already informed me that I have to go by the vet this morning and get medicine for our dog — so I can’t stay home. Of course, with a smile I said, “Why Mama. What do you need?” Well, then came the list and I MEAN A LIST. I have an entire notebook page full of medicines, groceries, and other errands that I need to do (with a 4 year old in tow). I feel bad for my daughter because this is pretty much her life every other day: We go to my parent’s house. You don’t even have to say it — I cry for my parents and I am so hurt for their condition. They truly are pitiful and they DO need me. I’m glad I can do something to help, but I would just like a little time off — ya know?
I do have siblings. There are two others who could be called as well. Mama knew my brother and SIL were coming over last night, but she didn’t ask them to pick up this stuff. She knew my sister was going to her house yesterday — why couldn’t she pick up these items?!?!?
God forgive me. I really am throwing a pity party/temper tantrum all by myself. Now I’m spewing it out for all to see.
Perhaps my hormones aren’t helping the situation. I am feeling a bit used today.
So this is my favorite summer song and this is what I wish I was doing today! A girl can dream, right? (There is a little silence before the music starts. Then comes Otis. I love him!) Keep reading, there is a scripture at the end of this post. I know, I hear you.
Philippians 2:14-15a
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation…
I know, I know. I know!
Awesome, Awesome! You always have so many fun things going on here. 🙂 Make sure I get the URL. 🙂
You always put a positive spin on things and what with ending on a great song like "Sitting on the dock of the bay" and a scripture you can't go wrong – authenticity rules.
Oh Beth….I can feel your frustration in your words. You are allowed to feel this way! You are human and I love how you are keeping it real. So does God. 😉
Maybe you can end the night with a nice bath with candles, a good book and your favorite comfort food.
xox
Bless your heart…I DO understand your frustration! Yep, a day with no responsibilities would be wonderful!
Your little one enjoys wherever she is, because she is with those who love her the most!
I'm wondering…if you have brothers and sisters nearby, could you all take turns with days (or weeks)? You know, rotate going to your parents' house? Maybe that would give you a day or two where you'd have a break!
It's perfectly normal to feel this way, Beth. I love your outlook and ability to spin things around, even in the middle of feeling frustrated!
You're an awesome person…I am so blessed to know you!
Love,
Beth
My sweet friend, although I have not walked in your shoes, I can relate on sooo many levels with you as I have been in similar situations.
You know that although we physically have never met, you are in my heart and prayers.
…. and now for something practical (hey, I would not be me if I did not throw out some practicals LOL)
First of all, yes, a break is of utmost importance, and unless one has been a SAHM (I have), plus on top of that worked from home in the ministry (still do) people don't understand, especially those who have a daily 9-5 job. Most just don't get us. In their eyes we're just at home doing nothing ….
OK, here is what worked for me. Dilligently plan in 'me time'. If you cut yourself short and don't nurture yourself, everyone around you will suffer. (I have been there, you know the martyr that could not say 'No!' and then wanted to bite off everyones heads …. I learnt the heard way).
So, get to know yourself and what you actually need, which is more than you think. You need that time to 'sharpen your saw' as Steven Covey would say, a time where nurturing yourself is absolutely vital. Plan it in, seriously mark it in your diary planner, and make sure everyone knows. Then do what you like, e.g. go for a leisurely walk, sit in the bath and do absolutely nothing, or whatever.
Next, outside, that planned time, grab moments as they come. They may just be seconds long. Close your eyes and breath deeply into your belly, focus on your deep belly breath, then in your mind's eye visit your beach, or that sun drenched valley, still breathing deeply open your heart as if it was a gigantic flower and let that warm sunshine in to nurture you. Say 'thank you, Lord for the nurturing warmth'. Open your eyes, and continue your work.
Oh by the way, what are your Magnesium and Vit-B levels? Upping them used to make a huge difference for me!
Love you dearly!
Oh I WISH I were at the beach right now. My sis just flew out this morning to the Dominican Republic with family and to see family. Lucky punk…
Visiting from SITS by the way 🙂
Bless your heart, I am praying for you.
Oh Beth,
I hear ya! I had to laugh at that scripture because my husband was just quoting that to our daughters about their Saturday chores. Oh my…I do hear ya though. May you have a day just for you soon!
Hugs,
Mimi
Beth,
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your mom. My sister had a similar situation with my mom. We do everything we can that my mom needs but she knows I have 4 kids and I am working too so she doesn't do this to me but…..she sometimes, not knowingly, will criticize my sister and make her feel like she is not doing enough. So my sister had a talk with her and reminded her of all the things she does for our mom and all the things my sister needs to do for herself and my mom understood.
You need to get the help from your siblings my sister and I could not do it alone. Just last night I took my mom with me while she went to see our dad. Your siblings need to work with you and your mom needs to count on them as well. It needs to be addressed and the only way it will get solved is if you say something and put your foot down and I don't mean this is a harsh way….I mean gently but… firm.
I'll pray God give you the strength, wisdom and words to get the rest you deserve. I know exactly how you feel and you can say "NO". or "later". I have had to do that.
Dear Lord Please help my precious sister find the rest she needs. Speak to the hearts of her mother and siblings Lord. Help them to realize she needs a break and needs help in caring for her parents. Lord Jesus bless Beth for all the help she has given to her parents honoring them and trying to do everything without complaining bless her Lord for this faithfulness in Jesus Name I pray. Amen
(((hugs))))))))) that was a big one for ya!!!
I know you have already, but PRAY PRAY PRAY..Pray that God will make a way for 'down time'. Ask Him to open it up for you sis….maybe He's waiting for you to just get on your knees and tell Him, "I can't take this anymore Father. I need Your help.".
Beth, Jesus took down time too girl…remember that…..I love ya and praise God that you have shared your heart with us and just came to us with a heart that is hurting right now…We are here to help you carry your cross in prayer!!
Beth, I love Otis Reading too. Great song! And that beach chair needs another one beside it. I would love to have a girl to girl talk right in that atmosphere. How fun that would be, friend! No responsibilities …just a relaxing day.
But back to the real world. I have purused (sp?) the comments and see you're getting lots of advice. And I've followed Lisa's blog so she knows what she's talking about with her parents.
But I too have a few suggestions. You are the sweetest kindest person and you have a heart of gold as far as I can see. After all, we get to know each other from our writings, right?
Have a talk with your siblings and tell them how you feel honestly. Ask for some help. Talk to your hubby about arranging one day where you can have alone to do what you want to do; just one day and not each week. Just now when you're at this point. Pray each day Romans 12:1-2 and offer yourself as a living sacrifice to the Lord and ask Him to transform you mind. And then ask Him to direct you each moment so you won't miss the divine appointments He has planned for you that day. And to know when to say no.
It's hard dealing with elderly parents who have needs. I don't know if you follow Warren Baldwin's blog but he posted a very powerful video on his blog yesterday about a son and his elderly father. The father kept repeating himself and the son was getting very impatient. I'll send you the link. BTW, I'm sure when you are with your parents you are very kind and patient. I can't imagine you any other way.
But girl, you need a break sometimes too. And once in a while, it's ok to be human. I love you.
Debbie
Beth,
It's called burn out, and we all get it. If you need to go to our beach place, it's not being used. I can tell you how to get to my parents to pick up the key…it would be on the way. Take a break, if you need it. It's enough that you have to see your parents in that condition, but then to have to do everything for them doesn't help. Sometimes, one kid gets to do it all b/c they are reliable, and that's not really fair. Make time for yourself before she gets in preschool. It's harder then.
((Beth))
I'll be praying, my friend, that you will be able to have rest in Jesus!!! We all need a break once in awhile, that's normal. But, I do agree about speaking w/ your siblings. Your mom must feel that she can depend on you the most, to only ask you.
HUGS!!!
Whew, that was a long emotional jam packed post. The reasons you should feel blessed:
Your parents live so close to you, some ppl would kill for that. Me included.
You have a wonderful supportive family (IRL and blog) that love it when you dive into your human side. Yes you are a superhero in our eyes, but its nice to know you are human and normal just like the rest of us.
And while I am sure Sarah doesn't mind doing the errands with you, just know that she is learning compassion and humanity straight from her mommy on each trip. Lots of youth today don't see that, especially from their parents.
AND….the surprise we have been talking about has been moved up, next week girlfriend, so get ready!
It is hard when things seem a bit overwhelming! May the God of order bless you with a much needed rest and a realization for your mom to ask for help from your siblings as well. God bless sister Beth. Hope you'll have a great weekend anyway. Blessings.
Oh Beth, I hear you girl. But don't you fret. As Debbie said, time for a meeting with siblings to help share the load. Your parents health and physical care needs are changing and one personal can only carry it all if they have nothing else on their plate. It's time to share the load and loving talk with your parents about the decision.
The verses you used, Phil. 2:14,15a – I love the rest of that verse and the first part of verse 16:
"…among whom you shine like stars in the in the universe, holding out the word of life."
Praying for you dear one!
I've been reading the comments, and noticed you've gotten so much good advice already… plus I don't feel I'm in a position to really give any. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you, and that you are loved!
Btw… that verse… sometimes it's quite the kick in the pants, huh? I feel that way almost every morning when I do my devotions… it's like God knows and somehow has us reading just what we need… or sometimes what we don't want to need (haha).
Hang in there, girl! Try to take some time out too! (I should talk… haha)
Besides letting out some tears, this is the best thing to do at a time when you're feeling this way. Vent is a safe place & pray.
You can have a little pity party, we'll be here to understand.
Hi Beth
Thanks for "Being Real"!!!! We need that and so do unbelievers for when we seem perfect not many people want to deal with you.We are all being made into his image,we're not there Yet! I had my own pity party yesterday,it was really bad I mean terribly,but God said you've been forgiven so just forget about it! God is a wonderful comforter,and I'm sure he will comfort you.I will not understand why other family members don't pitch in,but just know you're so blessed Beth for all that you do! And your "Rewards" will be great!!!!
Love ya Beth
I agree with everybody before me. We aren't perfect, we do have feelings and we are human so it is normal to have a pity party ever now and then. You are so dependable and your mom knows it but that doesn't make it any easier on you. Dwight is the only child and so this is what we continually deal with though on a different level since his mom is 1.5 hours away.
Talk to your siblings and parents and let them know you need help with the care. And like the other Tara said, Princess is learning some valuable lessons that many kids will never have the opportunity to learn.
Definitely take some you time because you need it and that. is. ok!
I understand being the reliable child means you are the one who fills the need. You will never regret being there when your parents needed you…but your siblings might realize too late they should have done more. Best of luck to you!
I love your honesty. It's hard when everyone depends on you, but I'm sure they truly appreciate you.
Nice To Meet You!!
Tabitha
I Choose Bliss
Sweetie girl..if you think you are the only one that has/is going thru these same feelings, please know that you're NOT. We ALL go thru it, at one time or another, and all feel just as you do.
Hang in there…it WILL get better..PROMISE!!
xo bj
((((hugs)))) Praying for you dear one. I can relate to some extent…but in a different way. My Mom is actually withholding her love from me today won't return my calls because I've probably hurt her feelings in some way…sigh.
Beth,
I think I can somewhat understand your frustrations. My Father took care of his father for many years. He was sleep deprived and life deprived. Now he sees after his Mother and she is so unappreciative of him. The other siblings do not help out as much as he does. I feel sad for him sometimes. I'm hoping my parents will be a little easier on me when they get old. We shall see! Praying that you find some relaxation!
When my parents adopted me they were 45 and 50 and dealing with elderly parents. I remember loving to go visit and help them. I have some wonderful memories of my Grandpa even though I only knew him as being in a hospital bed at home. We would have tea and toast and chat and before we would leave for the night I would do prayers with him. He died when I was 5 yet I remember that time. I bet your princess is okay. I'm sure it is hard on you. My Mom said it was a lot of work dealing with them and me. She was the baby of her family and got the job of care for them just like you. I pray for energy and patience for you. I guess my post mainly was to let you know that princess I bet is fine it was always an adventure for me.
Before my mom moved in with us something similar like this would happen.
I think they just get used to depending on one person,and don't even think to ask anyone else to do anything. They don't want to "bother" them but they don't mind bothering you, lol!
It helps to educate the siblings, as the parents probably won't remember.
My brother is great, he will come to visit and often take her out shopping or whatever she needs.
In the past, I'd have to go get something and I'd ask "Why didn't you get it today" and she'd said "Oh, I just didn't think about it."
Hi Beth!
I have an award for you!
Sometimes you just have to vent. We all do it (and you're like me…I always try to apologize in advance and give a little forewarning in case readers just want to skip my drama). Having just been through what we've been through with mother (and I don't even ever mention my mother-in-law but she is SOMETHING…really really SOMETHING), I know just what you're going through. You feel free to vent to me by e-mail ANY time. I don't know what I would have done without friends, blog and otherwise, to listen. It truly does help.
A song from the past…:)
Hope all is better dear sister. May GOD'S peace be with you and your family and may you get some much needed rest!!!
Love ya.
I can relate to the different treatment and expectations. My mom expects things of me that I don't think she asks or expects of my brother.
Sorry I missed this post. My blog visits are so few and random.
God will bless you in a mighty way for all you do in "honoring" your parents.
Love,
P