Hello my friends. I am usually an early to bed and always early to rise type of gal. Neither me or my husband are night owls (that’s for sure), but for some reason I was still wide awake at 11:30 last night. I think the time passed by as I searched the blogs of some new friends (what better way to spend my time, right?).
When I went to bed, my husband was awake and actually started speaking to me (instead of his normal snort, grunt — or worse — when I disturb his peaceful slumber). After I put on my unappealing PJ’s and had my very expensive Clarins night cream on my wrinkles (supposed to help, though I’m not seeing it) … my DH decided to start holding me. Here I thought I was going to slip into bed undetected. Oh man!
So, to save you the details and get to the point I wanted to share … he said, “I feel like I have you back again.” I said, “I didn’t know I went anywhere,” but he didn’t expand on his original comment.
In case you’re confused, I’ll shed some light on this subject. When we married (19 years ago) I was a happy size 10 (I am a little over 5’9″ tall). Back in June I was the heaviest I have ever been — wearing an 18/20 pants (that were snug) and some 22/24 shirts to try to hide my HUGE and growing bust line! I have struggled with my weight since we married. Back in 2003 I started losing weight, but had a back injury that put the “kabosh” on exercising and yep, you guessed it — I gained that weight back AND some. I’ve done the roller coaster, yo-yo thing for 19 years. My husband rarely commented (lucky for HIM!) and it never seemed to have any bearing on our “intimate” relationship (I’m thankful).
Since I struggled with my appearance, I opted to rarely look at myself honestly in the mirror and just see myself as the person I remembered in the mirror back in the day (does that make sense?).
Over the past couple of years, I have really been going through some spiritual healing and times of growth (though, God knows I still have so much to learn). I believe that the growth in the spirit is also manifesting in the natural.
I looked at a picture of me and a friend at my church that was taken the 1st of June, 2008 (yep, that is me in the BIG pink shirt – humbling). I was so disgusted. Something in me finally clicked! Now was my time to get healthy — for good. I have done the NutriSystem thing (several times) and have eaten 6 meals a day to speed up my metabolism, but nothing was a lifestyle change that could be maintained for the rest of my life.
This friend in the picture with me does Weight Watchers (though I could NEVER count all of those points — that would be bondage for me — and this had to be a lifestyle change). As I protested against WW, she told me about a Core Plan that they offerred – not about counting points, but eating healthy. So, on June 4, 2008 I changed my way of eating. Now I eat lean meats, veggies, fruit, no white flour, white rice, or white pasta. I only eat healthy oils (like Olive Oil) and stay away from soft drinks (I was a Coke-aholic!). Now, I am 51 pounds lighter.
So … my husband feels like he has me back. I didn’t know whether to be thankful for that comment or smack him in the head. I had mixed emotions, though I kept them to myself. He tells me every day that he is so proud of me (seriously — every day). Again, it stings because I know that my appearance must have really bothered him, though he never said a word (again, better for HIM that he didn’t I suppose). It makes me feel a bit of guilt because it wasn’t fair to him (just like I would be shocked if he ballooned up 100 pounds from the time we married). One Sunday before I decided to do something, I saw a look from my husband and for the first time, I really felt him judging me. I saw a look in his eye when he looked at my leg and it pierced me to the core. I guess
that was my wake-up call.
Here is the last “body shot” I took for my weight loss journey. I am currently in a size 12 misses Levi’s (such a miracle), but have quite a few more pounds to lose. Since I haven’t exercised in a month (I must get moving again) I am losing ounces each week.
Again, those words are stinging me a little though he has every right to feel that way. It makes me feel bad and at the same time happy that he is blessed. Am I a mess or what? Hmph!
Beth,
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog yesterday. So nice to meet you.
First, Wow! This post hit a very raw nerve with me. We must have a twinship bond in there somewhere. Down to the Nutri System and WW thingy. I went from a 14 and am now down to a size 8 and some 6’s. However, now I’m not even trying. The healing in changing ‘my past’ and ‘my future’ has down the physical work. I just need to tone it.
My husband never complained either but he is certainly smiling a lot more these days! Press in close to the Lord and I can’t wait to see how healthy you become! Atta girl!
Again, so nice to meet you! Hugs to you today!!
I am right there with you. I have struggled since we married as well. I am trying to do better. I have been doing WW, but it has been difficult to keep up the last few weeks. I’m trying, though.
Keep up the good work my friend!
You’ll get there!
You’re an inspiration, Beth!
I actually had a look at the online WW for the UK and all I see is points …. no way am I doing the points!
So, I will just have to glean from ideas I pick up from you.
Oh, re. hubby …. I think you might be to hard on yourself, and he is just genuinely happy and supportive. He is most likely just celebrating you and that’s it, whilst you go into this hair-tearing-out self condemnation.
Just soak up his compliments and genuinely be appreciative, and he’ll love it!
That’s awesome! You look great! In my younger days I was always slender. But I never lost all of my baby weight (does that count when they’re teens?) so I had to lose about 20-25 pounds in order to get back to my normal size 6.
I do find that I really need to adjust my eating habits and to exercise if I want to stay here though. Turning 40 (and now 50) does affect your metabolism, I think. I can no longer eat anything I want and not exercise.
You look awesome and you should be very proud of yourself! I, too, have suffered with my weight most of my life. Thankfully, I am a size 14 right now. I am working toward a 12!
Thank you for visiting my site and leaving your sweet comment. I love finding new friends and welcoming them to my blog as well. I hope you’ll come by and visit again!
The prayers of many were heard by God and my husband and I are together again!
In His Love and Blessings,
annb
Yeah for you! I’ve lost 30 lbs in the last year and have a long way to go. Thanks for sharing your story. Keep up the good work.
Hi Beth, I want to thank you for stopping by and visiting with me. Congrats on the weight loss…You have really done good and should be so proud! I am so glad I inspired you to do some Christmas decorating this year. Please come back anytime and visit!!! Nancy
You have an award on my blog. Please come and grab it. Blessings to you!
First time visiting.
Its wonderful when we can look back and know that we had victory. Sometimes it has been really difficult but Thank God we are an unfinished work which He will continue to do.
I need to loose some weight too.
Hey Beth,
I teach a butt-kicking kick box class and have done personal training in the past. If you would like for me to give you some pointers to get those stubborn last few pounds off, just let me know….
🙂 Ugonna
Congrats! You look wonderful!! Pray for me…. I have much more weight than you to loose and I have many health problems… But God is bigger than anything… so I too can loose weight… right? Thanks for sharing… blessings.
I can totally relate to what you say. I mean, his comment is a blessing but with a sting…like oh did he think differently.
I guess it’s kind of like when someone says “oh I like your hair cut or hair style.” What? Did you not like how I fixed it yesterday or the last five years? It feels good that it (whatever: hair, body, etc.) looks good but a sting that it didn’t look that great yesterday.
I appreciate your honesty.
Bless you Beth! You visited with me yesterday and I had to get over here to visit with you. You know my fitness blog so you know a bit of my story so I’m so proud of you.
Remember, love yourself at any size because the LORD loves you. It’s always about living a fit and healthier lifestyle.
Thanks for your comment on my blog:) I read this post. I can feel your pain. Thought my circumstances are different and my issue is not weight I so understand your feelings.
I also believe that your husband loves you very much. It seems to me that he may just simply be encouraging you the best way he knows how. There is a big difference in your appearance after all. I mean WOW! You lost a lot of weight and you look great!
In both pictures I see something really beautiful, I think that could be your spirit. I mean the core being that you are combined with your spirit. As you say, you have been in a healing, growth period. God is good and faithful amen? Amen!
I love Misty Edwards too, went to Kansas City 2 years ago for the Onething…changed my perception and deepened my relationship with God.
You GO Girl. I lost 30 on WW. I love it. Of course… over Christmas time I think I am down to 25 pound weight loss. GOTTA get it in gear. I still want to lose another 15.
You inspire me!
I have never left a comment before for a blog I just happen to stubble across. However, our God does work in crazier ways. The weight has been an issue for me all my life. And all my life I have gone up and down. Today, as I write this, I am the heaviest I have EVER been. It saddens me and frustrates me and yet I make the plan to start losing weight and the day comes and goes. I want to thank you for your honesty. You have truly inspired me. The kick in the butt I needed to get going.
Please pray for me as I battle this. It is humbling for me to think of how my sin is out there for everyone to see and judge me. Pray that this time I am able to let the Lord work in me and through me. Thank you for your courage to put it all out there. God Bless you.