Hi Friends,
The Lord has been bringing me through a season of healing … pruning, cleaning … whatever you want to call it.
Can I just be real here? My heart was full of wounds, hurt, bitterness … probably some unforgiveness … whatever you want to call it. It has been a two year process to really get clean and back on track with the Lord. It wasn’t until recently (within the last 6 weeks) that I was truly able to FINALLY lay down any unforgiveness or bitterness that I held towards others. I guess it was easier to recognize when I called it “offense” instead of unforgiveness. For years, I really wanted to forgive and I had done the best I could, however … I KNEW I still felt offense.
So, praise God for a book entitled, “The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere. It was part of the required reading for an awesome Cleansing Stream course I just finished. I had read part of this book years ago, but NOW was the time when my heart was ripe and ready for healing.
Once I truly realized and decided that I had no legal right to walk in offense with anyone (after everything Jesus did for me), then it took my platform right out from under my feet. I think the injustice of certain situations made it hard for me to let go at first, but the funny thing is — a lot of the offense was being carried for something that happened to SOMEONE ELSE! Oh my! But of course, satan comes in where he can and he doesn’t play fair.
I know this all sounds so elementary! Trust me, I have taught these things to others. I understand how logical this all sounds (and IS), but hurt and unforgiveness can really cloud our judgment about our own condition.
With all of this said, I have had VICTORY in this area. Truly! God has been faithful (as always) and has given me the strength to somehow get past this and purify my heart. I can honestly feel love and compassion for those who I have held in chains of resentment and anger. I am so sorry that I wasn’t mature enough to walk in the Love of Christ. My heart wanted to do what was right, but my hurt was TOO big.
I recommend that nobody be placed in a leadership position without going through a course through Cleansing Stream (http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vY2xlYW5zaW5nc3RyZWFtLm9yZy8=). (Or a similar class that deals with emotional/spiritual healing.) I can look back over my years of being in different leadership roles and I can see the mistakes I have made because of my own issues and hurts. I regret those mistakes so much and I can see how so many can be hurt by leadership. But what we must remember is that we ARE ALL human — even pastors … apostles, prophets, evangelists, and teachers. None of us are perfect and we must walk in great grace with one another.
So, just as Much Afraid (from Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Burnard), I am now leaping towards the peaks with my Lord. It is all about His love.
I am grateful for God’s love for each of us. None of us are deserving — all have sinned, but His love is everlasting!
Whew, you have no idea how glad I am to leave this place! The valley can be a pretty place, but I’d much rather be moving up! I still have a lot to learn and a long distance to climb … so teach me Holy Spirit. I am here!
God bless you all.
Love,
Beth
