I hope the title got your attention.
NO, of course the Lord didn’t literally hit me in the head, but He certainly has been convicting me!
Proverbs 3:12
Because the LORD disciplines those He loves
I am an open book folks. I try to share my struggles and my triumphs in hopes that it will help someone else and give God the glory. With that said … I am having some serious stuff surface that I must overcome.
I’m not sure how to say this without giving too much information (in case the parties involved read my blog), but here I go …
I have been experiencing RAGE (I don’t think I’m exaggerating). Anger at the purest form. Frustration. Agitation. But burning hot anger — so I guess I’d say rage.
Someone I love was treated in an unfair, unjust manner. And wow did a lot of horrible stuff surface. Seriously, if you could have heard my thoughts (and even some of my words), you wouldn’t have believed it was ME.
This past week I have been sinning in my REACTION to the ACTIONS of others.
I knew it, yet I didn’t stopped it. My thoughts and my tongue were like an open furnace, full of anger.
Psalm 39:3
My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:
See, as in that scripture, my first problem was MEDITATING on what someone had done — the frustration and the injustice of it all — the AUDACITY of some people. I should have captured those thoughts, cast them down, and meditated on what was good, pure, and holy. Things that were pleasing to the Lord.
I felt conviction each time I’ve allowed this hot anger to ooze from my lips. It isn’t something I am proud of and it isn’t something that reflects my love for Jesus.
Even outside of this situation, when I felt pressed up against a wall, this ugliness that doesn’t reflect the heart of my Father has surfaced. Remember how I wanted to throw a temper tantrum a few posts back?
As Father God is always true to His nature … EVERYWHERE I TURNED YESTERDAY I saw things like this:
“As unjust as it may seem, your reaction to what hurt you was as far from the will of God as the actions were of those who hurt you. In fact, your reaction has actually become a part of your nature. You can be delivered from that oppression on your soul by releasing and forgiving those who hurt you. To the degree that you truly let the incident go and forgive the offender, to that same degree God will restore your soul to a balanced and healthy attitude towards people. As you increase in this process of forgiveness, you will grow in love …” (The Three Battlegrounds, by Francis Frangipane, 37).
I’m guessing the Lord wanted to make SURE I didn’t miss it. Even though I was feeling convicted and even though I was disgusted with myself — it wasn’t enough to stop me. BUT the paragraph above shook me out of my stupor!
I found the quote mentioned above on a new blog I discovered: Melodramamma. This sister in Christ apparently went to our church before we started attending.
Anyway … AS I read her post and stumbled upon (uh, before the Holy Spirit MAGNIFIED) this quote — I was listening to TBN in the background. I’m not kidding, at the same time the host and lady being interviewed started talking about the EXACT same subject!!!
Yes Father, I heard You.
I didn’t go to bed until around mid night … repenting, repenting, repenting …
I finally had the realization that I had been around this mountain before. Yes, it seemed familiar (sigh). I know, I know … I’m no better than the Israelites — around and around I go until I get it right.
I have tried to forgive. Even though I doubt a heart-felt apology would EVER be presented to the one who has been kind and reflected God’s heart (not me — my loved one), I still must forgive.
I am trying to forgive. It is my heart and my WILL to forgive and I know God will help me (once I get my confession in line with His word).
Here is the prophesy bulletin I opened this morning …
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns — July 15, 2010:
Beloved, it is time for you to divorce yourself from the devil and everything he has done to bring you down in defeat. Cut him off and refuse to allow him access to your activities, your bank account, your mind, your emotions and your will. He has intruded, taken liberties, and violated your boundaries. Tell him in no uncertain terms to get out of your life and refuse to allow him back in, says the Lord. Enough is enough!
James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
So here I sit again. At the foot of the FORGIVENESS mountain. Not only that, but now I must allow God’s Word to bathe my mind — renew my mind — restore my mind and my heart.
I recently had a friend tell me that I had it all together. I tried to convince her that I DIDN’T. It is only by the grace of God that I have victory in any area (and honestly, I don’t know of one area where I feel complete victory). I still have such a long way to go.
I am leaving town this morning (Thursday), so I am post dating this for Friday. I won’t be able to visit your blogs until Saturday evening or Sunday, but thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
I appreciate your prayers. It isn’t my desire to sin or to grieve the Holy Spirit. Please pray I can get this RIGHT this time. Sigh.
God bless you all …
(photo credit)
Sis, you have my love and prayers. Enjoy your weekend.
I understand completely and am right there with you when it comes to one certain person. I say a lot of stuff I shouldn't and just become enraged. I know I have a LONG way to go.
We are at the beach for an extended weekend. Hope you have a great and safe weekend!
I am with you. I'm still a big work in progress. Sometimes, it's so easy to just blend in into this world, instead of becoming more like Him. That's what the Lord spoke to my heart this morning prior to coming here. I'm glad I came by and had read this reminder from you, too. I'm so thankful He doesn't give up on us. That He is patient and always forgiving. Sister, may we run straight to that goal with purpose on every step…Only by His grace. Have a great weekend sister Beth and God bless.
Hi Beth,
Yes-I too am a work in progress and the Lord has been working on my life big time over the past year! How wonderful that we turn to our Heavenly Father and He is always there for us no matter how many times we fall. I am thankful!
Thank you for a transparent and heartfelt post. You reach many in your posts and I love being here!
Have a wonderful weekend.
Blessings and hugs.
For sure a work in progress… had a major anger issue with someone this week that had hurt one on my littles….
So nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I LOVE YOURS! what an anointed post. God is working in me too, much like what you're sharing here. Thanks for being so open about your struggles. We are all going through things. Love the title.
Thanks for sharing this post with us, Beth. It's always a comfort for me when I visit you.
I completely understand what you are saying here. Sometimes I face things like this, And yes everyday a work in progress..that's for sure.
B xx
Btw I love your new header.
See, as in that scripture, my first problem was MEDITATING on what someone had done — the frustration and the injustice of it all — the AUDACITY of some people. I should have captured those thoughts, cast them down, and meditated on what was good, pure, and holy. Things that were pleasing to the Lord.
yeah…. boy can I relate! thanks for this!
That is a VERY good book (The Three Battlegrounds, by Francis Frangipane). 2 thumbs up!
Here's a quote I read once that stuck with me for a long time – Unfulfilled expectations always end in anger, let go of the expecting, and the anger will be no more.
I realized that I wanted everyone to act, do, speak, etc. as I would. That's unrealistic. Then when they didn't, I got upset.
I'm still learning this myself Beth. Keep on Keepin' on! I really like what you said. Good eye, good eye:
"I finally had the realization that I had been around this mountain before. Yes, it seemed familiar (sigh). I know, I know … I'm no better than the Israelites — around and around I go until I get it right."
A memorial.. Like alters setup in our lives. Remembrances. So that we may wisely exercise these experiences next time. Ya, easier said than done.
And yes, I am stiff necked too. Here is what the Lord taught me on being stiff necked, great lesson. I pray it blesses you as it did me:
http://serious-things.com/lesson-from-god-stiff-necked-pt1/
Confession to the brethren is good. 🙂 I thank God for the heart you have and your obedience in sharing.. good good stuff
in love,
joseph
Thank you for sharing this with us. I have been there, oh how I have been there, and recently too. I'ts only by God's grace that I was able to forgive, give it to Him and even so, I am still working through the pain. He is so good to "wake us up" and not allow us to stay in places where we will not grow. Praying you through my friend!
Great is His mercy towards us…I am also a work in progress…sometimes I tend to be like lioness to her cub when someone I care for dearly is being wrong by another…I, too, speak before I think and is convicted and repenting.
Even though we are Christians and we serve a mighty and true living God, we are also human, but its the power of the Holy Spirt that we are being stripped of things not of God. Just like a refiner's fire, all impurities surface up to the top. With that being said, As you go through trials and tribulations, things will surface from our spirit that is not exactly Christlike. God will just simply removed them once we acknowledge them, repent, and ask for forgiveness.
You are a work in progress being refined in the refiner's fire so that you can come out as pure gold.
Blessings to you for your honesty.
Praise God that His mercies are new every morning!! PRaying that God delivers you from this and you can have the peace and joy back again!
Sometimes things happen so they are a blessing to others. Your post is that blessing for me. Thank you for your honesty and timely words. None of us are perfect. We are all works in progress. But His grace and mercy are new every single day. Praise God!
Pamela
Hi, have just found your blog and thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. Glad to see there are others who admit to struggling with the same things as me.
Jenny <><
I prayed for you. I wish you happiness, Beth. <3
What a convicting entry! Thanks for sharing your heart, it appears that you "hit a nerve" with a lot of us. This is my first stop by your blog, but be sure, I'll be back. Blessings abundant to you!
I am convicted and need to step back and think before I speak or think the things I speak and think.
My pastor, shared today about loving God with our whole, heart soul and mind. And the way we treat others really reflects where we're at with the Lord and to stay in God's Word was one of the top things on his list of things to do.
He spoke it more eloquently and had much more to say than this one thing, but your post is a confirmation to me of what I need to do.
I can see that you are in God's Word and you thoughtfully process the things of the Lord. These words and thoughts are for me to ponder and act upon.
Thanks and have a nice week,
Nannette
It is never pleasant being on the recieving end of any injustice, but it is even more unpleasant harbouring unforgivness in our hearts. I hope you are a fast learner because you might find yourself in similar situations often until you learn the Godly way to respond.
May the Lord show His grace towards your efforts :o)
Hugs
This happened to me last week…BIG TIME. I'm so ashamed to admit it. I had had it up to here with some things that were going on at work and at home. The straw that broke the camel's back was something that was done at home.
I held nothing back…NOTHING. I said some horrible things. I can't remember ever allowing myself to become that angry. My son caught the full brunt of my temper tantrum. I had to go to another room and calm down. I literally worked myself up so much that I began to have trouble breathing. Oh, Beth…it was horrible.
I asked my son for forgiveness, and I repented to the Lord. Needless to say, I wont' be winning "Mother of the Year" anytime soon. *sigh*
Your post speaks the truth, friend. Keep on sharing…and stop looking over my shoulder! 😉
Love you…
I often get hit in the head LOL, it's because i am hard-koppig (hard headed in afrikaans)
I sometimes just don't get the message. Just too busy with other things I guess LOL… at least God never gets tired of repetition 🙂