I went to the grocery store this morning for my parents … that in itself is an adventure. My Mom, God bless her, keeps me on pins and needles about getting THE EXACT items she wants. I was given instructions on the size of bottles to the color on the wrapping of the toilet paper. It is nerve wracking — trust me. 
After I succeeded in delivering the PERFECT bundle of groceries, then I walked on eggshells while putting the food away. As fate would have it, I didn’t prop the old antique freezer/cooler door correctly. By the time I left, I felt like I was holding my breath. My Mom doesn’t make life easy on others. She had a massive stroke in 2001 (3 days before 9/11). My sister swears this is the way our Mom has always been, but I mostly remember her being this way when I was a child. I think the stroke doesn’t allow her to mask her true feelings. She was able to hold her tongue more as I got older, but now … oh boy. My elderly father, who has had cancer for years, is having to wait on her hand and foot. It is frustrating … for them and for us (at least me and my sister). I know my Mom is incredibly frustrated, but she is relentless on my Dad. It is pitiful really.
I feel so helpless to help them. They really need someone with them 24 hours a day, but how do you suddenly become the parent and press your will over theirs? What age do you become the responsible adult? Even if I did want them to have someone full time — the COST WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE! I have two siblings who can bear the weight of this with me, but one lives an hour away (though she tries to help — and she has her own health issues) and the other works full time. Neither of them have funds to spare — not that we have an endless surplus either.
As I led my daughter out of my parent’s home, the smell of the leaves took me back to my childhood. I can’t count the number of times I walked out of that door as a child and played in that very spot — not a care in the world. Now, I leave their door with loads of guilt because I can hardly wait to run away. I always look back at my Dad and wonder if that will be the last time I see him, hear him, touch him. My precious daughter brings some joy to the mass exodus by yelling, “Bye Diddilee” as she blows Daddy kisses. I often pray, “God help him and bless him. Please don’t let him leave this earth without me being certain that he knows You.”
I go through this several times a week. I rush to get to my parent’s home because they expect us there. Then after I clock in my “required” time, I rush away to feed Princess lunch and put her to bed for a nap.
Argh, the guilt. How can I help them more than I do? What will we do with Mama when something happens to my Dad? She can’t be pleased. She is so hard on Daddy and anyone else who tries to help. I do love my parents and I want to honor them and bless them. I just need wisdom how to do it and keep a life of my own as well.
God bless the elderly and those who need to care for them. Matthew 19:19 Jesus replied, ” ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ “
Help me Lord …
After I succeeded in delivering the PERFECT bundle of groceries, then I walked on eggshells while putting the food away. As fate would have it, I didn’t prop the old antique freezer/cooler door correctly. By the time I left, I felt like I was holding my breath. My Mom doesn’t make life easy on others. She had a massive stroke in 2001 (3 days before 9/11). My sister swears this is the way our Mom has always been, but I mostly remember her being this way when I was a child. I think the stroke doesn’t allow her to mask her true feelings. She was able to hold her tongue more as I got older, but now … oh boy. My elderly father, who has had cancer for years, is having to wait on her hand and foot. It is frustrating … for them and for us (at least me and my sister). I know my Mom is incredibly frustrated, but she is relentless on my Dad. It is pitiful really.
