Help me work through this as I search the scriptures for an answer.

I recently had something happen that took me off guard.  I was put in a situation with some people who intentionally tried to hurt my family. They did everything they could to bring destruction to us.  I watched my husband lose a lot of sleep and peace for years because of these people.  Anytime I thought about them over the years, I honestly didn’t feel unforgiveness (that I’m aware of). However, I definitely didn’t want friendship.

I am a person who loves peace.   I walk in a lot of mercy, but don’t mistake that as someone who is a doormat.

One of the offenders, a man, came up to me from behind.  He grabbed my right hand as if to shake it, but then covered my gripped hand with his left hand as well.  He held my hand in a grip as if we were dear old friends and DIDN’T LET GO.  That in itself was aggressive in my opinion.  I was stunned and honestly didn’t know what to say.  With great emotion he said hello and asked how I was.  All I heard leave my mouth was, “I’m fine” … It must have been such an awkward interaction that another lady said, “Beth, you know (insert his name)?”  I said, “Yes, I know (his name).”  That was all I could say as I looked this man in his face.  <insert crickets>

This wasn’t like me AT ALL.  I am a bubbly southern lady who wouldn’t be hurtful to anyone intentionally.  I mean, that is the way we are raised, right?  We have manners and wouldn’t dare make someone feel uncomfortable.  That’s just my baseline.  Add to that my love for Jesus and love for people. Don’t get me wrong, I had no intention of speaking to those people when I saw them.  I didn’t say anything mean or unkind. I was basically unresponsive to him. I was stunned. The nerve of him grabbing me like that and to continue to hold a tight grip on my hand.  It was so strange. Not because I am holding onto unforgiveness, but because I am not in fellowship with them.  That doesn’t determine forgiveness — I am still called to forgive, but I am not called to be in fellowship with them.  Right?

I’m looking through scripture to find answers:

Romans 16:17
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.

1 Corinthians 5:11-13
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

Matthew 18:5-17
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

1 Corinthians 5:13
God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”  (These people confess Jesus.)

Romans 16:17-18
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

Why are we instructed to push someone out of fellowship?  One, it is to protect the Church.  Two, hopefully to cause the person to repent and correct their actions.  What about my situation though?  I’m not in a fellowship with these people on a regular basis.  We don’t attend the same church.  I just don’t feel true to myself to say that what they did was okay.  It was not okay.  I don’t wish them any harm and if they were on the side of the road I would help them, but being fake for the sake of manners  — I just couldn’t do it.  I didn’t think through my reaction.  It just happened.

Jesus calls us to love.

John 13:34
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

I felt unloving.  I felt unkind.  It wasn’t like me.  

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Love covers a multitude of sins.  It isn’t rude.  It covers offenses.

I also know this:

Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Back when we were in the thick of battle with these people I saw a vision.  I saw us in a courtroom and when I looked to see those people I saw the dragon instead.  It was a fat dragon of greed and that is what was stealing from us.  I know a demon was behind it.  I saw the dragon taken away with a huge chain around its neck.

Honestly, this wouldn’t even bother most people — but here I sit — praying I wasn’t sinning in my lack of enthusiasm to see this man who did all he could to destroy us.   Sigh.

Is it unloving that I don’t want this man to think all is well?  Is that wrong?  Forgiveness doesn’t mean restoration of fellowship does it?

Christians, what do you think?