My friend Barbie at My Freshly Brewed Life wrote a convicting post. No, it wasn’t meant to convict, but it did me. You can find her post HERE.
She was sharing her heart about having to say NO to her children when they wanted something — not NEEDED, but WANTED.
I don’t even know how to begin this post, but here it goes.
When I was a child, my Mom had a way of making our Christmas mornings seem BIG. She could buy a lot of little, inexpensive things and stretch them out. I remember always getting oranges and nuts in the bottom of our stockings and a coloring book at the top (filled it up a lot). Even as an adult (before my Mom’s stroke), she would hand off stacks of presents without spending a great deal of money.
Growing up, I believe we were probably the poorest of all of our family (at least on my Dad’s side). He was the only sibling who wasn’t a “professional” in the business world. But even so, I really didn’t lack anything I NEEDED. Sure, I didn’t get what I WANTED all of the time, but I just thought that was the way it was for kids.
It was a big treat for us to drop by a mall located near my grandparents house in Durham, NC. We would park at Sears. At that time, Sears and Belks had candy counters in the center of their stores (do you remember that?). My family would get a bag of chocolate stars — pure heaven for a little kid. Yum!
I remember my sister purchased me my first pair of Levi jeans. That must have been a big deal to me for me to still remember that fact. 
And I remember NEVER getting a pair of Bass sandals (do you remember those?) when it seemed everyone else in school sported them around.
Here comes the conviction. Now that I have a daughter I want to give her EVERYTHING I always wanted as a child and couldn’t have. Seriously, we rarely leave the house that this little one doesn’t get SOMETHING. In my heart, I want to bless her, but am I setting her up?
It is rare that I deny our Princess something. We waited so many years for a child … Sometimes I wonder if I try to re-live my childhood through her. She has one of those cute Pottery Barn kitchen sets (not the retro, but the cheapest set). I would have given ANYTHING to have had a kitchen set growing up! I remember using a cardboard box. I turned it upside down and drew the heating elements and the buttons on it. I used that box FOREVER it seemed. Not Princess, she has it all.
I remember going to my cousin Jane Harrison’s house (that is her middle name and I still call her by her full name today) and being in AWE. Her family had a room off of their carport that was FULL OF TOYS! Seriously, in my child’s mind, it was floor to ceiling toys! My little mind couldn’t wrap around it.
Changing directions just a bit — before our daughter was born, I loved to lavish things on my nieces and nephews. They took the money we would have spent on our own children. It brought me such joy to imagine their faces when they opened their presents on Christmas morning. Like my Mom, I would have a bunch of boxes for them to open. Unlike my Mom, sometimes the gifts were expensive. Probably too much, but I couldn’t resist.
Now we have a precious daughter and now two of my nieces have children. It gets much harder to buy for adult nieces and nephews (trust me). Ok, I’m off subject — sorry.
So back to the conviction. I need to make a conscious effort to do better by our daughter. I don’t want her to think that toys and clothes are what matters most.
Trust me, I am TOTALLY LOW MAINTENANCE. My husband is thankful for that. I don’t dress in name brand clothes – nor would I recognize their names. I want our daughter to be that way too.
Last night my husband and I were enjoying watching our little 5 year old circle the toys that she wanted for Christmas (two of which we already have for her — waiting to be revealed Christmas morning). While this was happening, we both said to her, “The most important thing is that we have each other. Even if there were NO toys, we have each other.” She agreed, but the world puts so much pressure on families at Christmas.
Even though this post has been a rambling mess, I am convicted by the amount I lavish on my child and the other “children” in my family. NOTHING is more important than a godly heritage. THAT is the best gift any of us could give our families. Barbie IS giving this to her children. My husband and I ARE giving this to our daughter.
I would have loved to have been raised in church and learned spiritual truths from my parents. As an adult, THAT is what means the most to me. Looking back, I hunger for the spiritual foundation — not the latest fashion trends or the coolest toys.
Wow, my thoughts are just spewed out in no particular order in this post … forgive me.
Good post!! And it's always good to speak from the heart….
~Beth
Girl you know what you need to do..now run with it 😉
And like you I myself have the same issues..a poor childhood and a desire to give more then we had..but it's not what's important and I have to remind myself of this often.
Having three vs. one makes it easier to say no more often also 😉 otherwise it would break the bank.
Your post isn't a rambling mess, it's wonderful! You brought back such great memories of my own childhood Christmases. We were also 'poor.' Well, more like middle-class, but we didn't have what a lot of others had. With 6 kids in the house–3 boys, 3 girls (I'm #5) there were a lot of 'hand-me-downs.' But birthdays and Christmases were almost magical. I don't know how my mother did it! I'm sure she shopped the sales and stored things. And I do remember she used a lot of "S&H Greenstamps" (are you old enough to remember those?)
We had those oranges in our stockings, too, LOL!
"Things" don't make a greedy or 'entitled' child. It sounds like you are raising a real sweetheart. As long as she is loving and respectful, it doesn't matter if you give her a lot or a little of material items. And we have so much fun giving to our kids, don't we? I wouldn't take a million bucks in trade for the 'Christmas Morning' looks on their faces!
What I did with my four (all in their 20s now) was to let them circle toys like you do. Then we'd tell them they'd get some of the things they wanted, but not all. That way, they were surprised by what we picked out.
Sorry this comment is so long!
My parents still put apples and oranges in our stockings! We would think something was wrong if they didn't!
I don't remember how many presents we used to get my kids when they were little??? I know it has never been a lot. Probably more than we should have! Anyway…once they know about Santa..the amount of gifts they receive go down. My kids will only receive 3 gifts each. My grandkids will receive more, but I shop a lot of clearance stuff. My son never receives the xbox games or sytems until they have been out for a few years, and they come down from $1,000!! Yes I exagerated a bit!
I honestly can't remember a lot of the gifts I received as a kid, but I sure do remember being at grandma and grandpa's house with the whole family!!
Every time my child and I go shopping, I told him to ask himself…"Does he really need it?" And it's just a yes or no. Most of the time, he knows the answer is "no". So most of the time, he doesn't want to buy things not unless he really needs them. It helps a lot with his perspectives, to not always go with the flow. So, I thank the Lord's wisdom. And discernment. When we have them, nothing will go wrong. So glory be to God! [And my money is still in my purse! :)]…
God bless sister and protect you.
I admire the both of you. You two are wonderful, Godly moms. Thanks for helping to sharpen me with your words here. I can relate to Barbie's situation as my Husband is still out of work. Love ya!
Excellent post! I understand your desire to give your princess everything, as a parent that's normal. Even God loves to lavish us with good things!
We've been blessed in that finances are always stretched so thin around here that even if that's a desire it's not a possibility for us. I've often said what a blessing that has been (of course some days I see it as a real curse too! LOL!) because it causes me to be extra creative to have the fun most people have with buying and going places. Hence the movie nights, game nights, etc. around here.
We decided long ago with our big boys that the most important thing we could give our children (as you said) is teaching them about God and His love for them and also, creating memories that they will remember years from now.
Toys break and their interest fades away but memories last forever.
Loved this post! Thanks for sharing!
Much love!
Lisa
You made some very good points in your post today Beth! I totally understand your feelings..nobody wants their children to think that 'getting' is everything. Its hard to not want to buy everything for your child if your financially able to..but instilling in a child from a young age that getting everything they want isnt everything is so important. Later on in years..they'll come to EXPECT everything! Having good intentions is one thing..but having good morals is EVERYTHING. The best thing we can teach our children is the love of God and teach them as much about Him as we possibly can. Thats something no store can wrap up!!
Beth, I do relate on a few levels of your post. I was that spoiled child who got things every time we went out. My parents were not rich by any means, but I was the youngest and I was more spoiled than my older sisters. I was set up for a few hard knocks later in life because of this.
Sometimes tough love is better…or, be cruel to be kind… and by cruel, I simply mean not giving our children everything they want or ask for. It can set them up for a few falls later in life if they have come to expect to have everything they want or ask for.
Imagine how they will feel when God says "No" to them, as an adult. They will have trouble comprehending His love in a 'No' or withholding something from them. And no doubt He will because He knows what's good for us and is the perfect parent. 😉
Love your heart for sharing openly and honestly.
Good topic on conviction. The Lord is revealing a lot to me these days in that area. Bass sandals I remember. I really cannot wear sandals or open toe shoes because my feet sweat something terribly. Thank you Beth for sharing from your heart. Blessings.
Beth, PRAISE GOD for the softness of your heart and willingness to hear the Holy Spirit talking to you on this subject.
I have shared many times how much this holiday makes my skin crawl because of the lavishing people do on themselves and family, etc. I know our country thrives because of the millions of $$ spent during this season – but that doesn't change how I feel inside knowing millions of children and people today and every day go without water, food, a safe place to live and don't even own a pair of shoes.
Not one person in this country – even homeless have to worry about that. We have way more than we could ever need and yet we keep asking and buying ourselves more.
I'll be praying for all those reading your post and Barbies!
Love you,
Jill
I am in agreement with you. That is why we started the 12 days of giving with the kids around this time of year and that we allow the children to ask for three gifts…because Jesus got three gifts. A way to bring the gift giving back around to Christ and the center of this season. I want the focus to be in the birth not on anything else.
Hugs,
MImi
Loved this post Beth, and related in so many ways, plus it brought back memories of my childhood. I too am a low maintenance girl , and my dh loves that too. lol
A Godly heritage is one of the best gift to your children, I am so blessed to have been given this by my parents. Thank you for sharing from your heart, as always I leave so blessed and inspired.
HUgs, Sue
Thanks for sharing your heart girl…Ever so thoughtful of ya to let me have an 'easier' time to leave a comment girl..lol. Love ya.
Hello there! So glad I am able to comment. I love your heart! Oh and I remember Bass Sandals. I didn't have a pair either, new anyways. I think I did find a used pair at a garage sale once. Have a blessed day!
Hi Beth,
Thank you for a heart provoking post and for sharing your thoughts.
Enjoy your day.
Hugs
Having been in the ministry for almost as long as we have been married (36 yrs), I can relate. We had "lean" yrs regarding presents at Christmas and we had "abundance" yrs. I have to say that it is the lean years that are most special to me. One seems to understand the real meaning of Christmas during those times.
Thank you for sharing dear friend.
SORRY BETH WORKING THIS MORNING.
This is why i gave everyone my list of:
*something handmade
*nothing.
My mama could buy me everything but i dont like it when she does that. I feel bad lol especially when i feel i should be giving HER everything.
Every year I've gotten the "you never want anything for your birthday or Christmas so THINK THINK please" and EVERY time i can barely manage a 5 item list.
You may give your daughter everything, but you may not be setting her up.
I'm just showing you the other side of the coin my Beth!!!