I keep hearing someone’s comment to me play over and over again in my head, “One day when your daughter grows up you two will be best friends.”
I know that this person meant well. Her intentions were from her heart I’m sure, but this comment did not sit well with me.
I love my daughter more than I could ever say, but I am called by God to be her Mom, NOT her friend.
I DO NOT want her considering me as her best friend. One day when I go to heaven (when I’m around 90 years old or 100 – unless Jesus comes first), I don’t want her to lose her Mom and her best friend. How cruel would that be?
I pray we will always be close, but best friends? Uh, NO.
I just don’t get that.
Here is my goal:
Proverbs 31:28-31Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 22:6Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ok, I feel better since I put that out there. I love our little Princess so much, but I want her to have healthy friendships with others and have love and respect for us as her parents.
I’m sorry if I have offended anyone. Maybe you see the other side of this coin and I don’t.
What do you think about this topic?
I'm with you. I know already I'm not their best friend. Probably not even a friend! I have to step in and discipline and say no sometimes. What best friend does that? :o)
Blessed Sunday to you Beth.
I needed this this morning…so it no one else agrees this word was for me. I am not my daughter's best friend…and she is 19! I have never been. She has been frustrated with me through the years for not being like other mothers….who depended on their daughters for companionship. I wouldn't do it…I need to be the one that says, "no" and corrects…not the one who is afraid of offending her and letting her walk in her sin.
Right now she is mad at me…I have been her mother, not her friend…if she submits to the correction she will correct her path…if I had worried about just staying her friend, then she would not see her sin that has hurts others.
I hope to get to the point that we relate as adults and my correction is less…which I believe happens at marriage, but until then I am not interested in being her friend.
You may delete this if you feel it is off…but that is my journey at this point!
you are right… I love my daughter(25 now) and we spend a lot of time together,,and we are friends..but I am still her mom and she has Bffs..
you go girl..do what is right…love the post
As young children and even young adults, I do not want to be her best friend; I would not be an effective parent if I were. As an adult, I want her husband to be her best friend.
And that's the simple answer…there is so much more there about the dynamic of friendship rendering parenting ineffective, the neediness of an adult to have her children be her best friend (where are the healthy adult relationships she should have established?), and so on.
Wow!! I loved this post, Beth. I do agree with you!!!! I don't think I could even add on to what you wrote!!
We tell our children all of the time – we will always be their parents first. We are called by the LORD to train them and be there for them in a way a friend can't and won't. I am very close to Lexi and will miss her terribly when she goes off to college in 2 yrs but that is because God has knit our hearts so tight as sisters in Christ this year. Which is an amazing gift the older your children get – you worship and praise Him together in a new way. Sometimes they are leading which is fun too!
Love you Beth! Merry Christmas!!!!
Jill
Beth I enjoyed reading this post. Even though I have no children of my own. Blessings.
I have to admit, I have always desired that kind of relation ship with my mother. I can't remember a time where we shopped together, she didn't even give me council before I married, and now, well, we hardly see each other. I have witnessed some very amazing mother-daughter relationships and they have always said how they are friends. I guess it's okay to have balance. I know I am a mom first, but I do love to "hang out" with my daughters. I hope they will consider me somewhat of a friend. Maybe I am wrong?
I guess I can speak on behalf of the 'daughter' portion of your post since I'm not a momma (yet!). My mom is definately my friend and we have grown alot closer since I got married 9 years ago..the closest we've ever been. But like others said..one's mom..is still their mom. Friends yes..best friends..not exactly. Its healthy for daughters to have their own friends (outside of ANY family member). I've witnessed this first hand by my BFF (her niece is homeschooled and rarely has any interaction w/others her own age). It is sad to see a little girl not have little friends to play with her own age..but instead calls her 40 year old aunt her 'best friend'. Just my opinion…
I don't think it's possible to be both Mom and best friend!
While I love my 2 grown daughters dearly, I have never considered I was their " best friend"….I'm close to them, yes, and we do share with one another, to a certain degree, but I am still their mother…and proudly so!
~Beth
I completely agree!