This morning, Amy discussed Titus 2:4 where it states, “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children…” She pointed out that the original word for “love” in this scripture is actually a single word philandros. Philos, the word it is derived from, means to love in the sense of “to be friends with.” It means, “friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well.”
She posed the following discussion questions to us:
What is your definition of friendship?Did you follow the belief that we should not be friends with our children?
Has that changed?
In what ways can we befriend our husbands and children?
What can we do to teach those skills to someone else?
I can barely bring myself to participate in this discussion because of something that happened just a couple of hours ago. Ouch!
My definition of friendship: I would consider a friend to be someone who supports, encourages, and protects. A friend should rejoice in times of victory and cry in times of sorrow — sharing in each others lives.
Did I follow the belief that we should not be friends with our children? Yes, to an extent. I have seen the example of some parents who acted more like a friend to their children, and now they are reaping the fruit.
Has that changed? Well, I see that the scripture wants us to be friends to our children. I think we should be encouraging, loving, rejoice with them, cry with them, but still remain in the role of parent — setting rules, guidelines, and examples for them. But to answer the question, I never knew that scripture mean to “befriend” — so that part has changed.
In what ways can we befriend our husbands and children? Sigh, this is where I need help. Just this morning I said something that “to me” wasn’t that bad, but it really stung my husband (I could tell from his reaction). I immediately felt conviction — then I saw the topic today. Ouch!
If you’ve been married any length of time and you’re completely honest here, then you know there are some old recordings that seem to guide discussions sometimes. As much as we try to capture them — years of hearing them sometimes overrides our logic. THAT is where I need to mature. Just this morning, I reacted because my husband had told me he WOULD do something. When he didn’t, I immediately said something about it. I’m sure I made myself out to be self-righteous because I ALWAYS DO WHAT I SAY I’LL DO! I didn’t say those words, but that is what I meant. Yeah, I used a lot of grace there (NOT). So, did I act like a friend? NOOOOOOOOOOO! Would I have said those words to a FRIEND? NO!
God has done a great work in my marriage. I won’t make myself out to be the victim and make excuses for my own actions. I was wrong and need to encourage him more — I need to build him up with my words (ALWAYS). God help my heart and forgive me for the selfishness and wickedness hiding in the crevices.
Our daughter is only 3 years old, and so far I feel like I have been a friend to her. I pray God will give me wisdom each day as she grows.
What can we do to teach those skills to someone else? Well, I have often said that you can’t lead someone to a place you’ve never been. We can share our experiences in this area — even our failures. We can teach by example (once we’ve surrendered our hearts in this area!). We can always share what the Word of God says about this … and thanks to Amy’s research, we have a better understanding.
To join in this discussion, please click on the button below:
Beth,
Once again your transparency and honesty inspires and touches my heart.
Blessings to you, sweet friend.
Good post Beth! So honest. I agree with you concerning being friends with our children. I was and I wasn’t and now that they are grown we are friends but it is because they want to be friends with me. It is a blessing. Once we as parents do what needs to be done, get through the hard stuff, suddenly we find that our children are grown and living productive lives on their own, making their own share of mistakes and finding their way. It is very freeing to watch them find their way and the funny thing is, they often include us in the process along the way.
Beth,
I’m so thankful that you received God’s loving correction this morning….and your heart to share that with us, is being a PERFECT EXAMPLE OF A TRUTH WE ALL NEEDED TO LEARN THIS MORNING….myself first in line.
Lovingly,
Yolanda
I’ve been married over 25 years, and there are days when I STILL lose control of my attitude and my tongue. In case you haven’t, pray, go to DH and admit your wrong and ask his forgiveness. It will make a total difference in both of your day. I’ve even called my DH at work to apologize because I’d said something awful as he’s headed out the door….talk about feeling lower than dirt…
Love and prayers,
Deb
Don’t beat yourself up. We’re all guilty of doing that sometimes, even the guys. No one is perfect. At least you realize your mistake. I’m sure he forgives you (and maybe, he’ll get inspired to get whatever it is done now!) :O)
Thank you for your honesty…we all have been there…me, too many times, unfortunately!! I’ve always been one of those that must have the last word….and yes, I have said some hurtful things before…to hubby, to my grown girls…and then feel remorse afterwards, knowing I was in the wrong.
I’ve often said though, that we are more apt to lash out at those we are the closest to…that is still not an excuse to do so.
It can be so easy to be different towards our family than our friends. Our family tends to see the worst of us. This discussion defintely hit home for me, too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Have a blessed Monday!
Sherry
Being a friend to my husband is something I really work on too. But the best things in life aren’t the easiest.
Great questions. Love the answers.
We are all a work in progress, aren’t we?!
Hi Beth~
What an amazing post and it really made me think A LOT! I so appreciate your opening up and sharing your heart. Bless you for that!♥
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
Beautiful post Beth!
Love and blessings,
Jill
Your post is right on the money!! I love the honesty in your answers to each question. Great Post!! You are a true inspiration!!
Beth, your honesty is a true inspiration to me. I love how real you are! We tend to hurt the ones we love the most, but maturing and growing as we are, hopefully we will hurt them less. Truly great post here.
Beth, thank you for sharing from your heart and I too have found myself saying or thinking things about my husband that probably was not the sweetest. Sometimes we have less patience for those closest to us. But no matter what the reason I say things I shouldn’t to my sweetie … the true friend that he is …. always forgives me and still loves me. Now that is a true indication of a good friend, one who loves and forgives no matter what! -blessings, Laurie
Funny how we would never say the things to a friend that we do to our husbands (me included!) That’s one of the best things I’m taking away from The Well today. Is to truly treat my children and husband with the same respect that I do my friends.
Very good post. I love reading yours and Laurie’s posts about these topics.
Such a great post my friend.
Great post! I believe in being transparent… thank you my friend….
Beth, this is another great thinking post! None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes…but I like you want to see my mistakes and do better…and when it comes to my hubby and boys…I feel so bad when I have said something I shouldn’t have!
I have been in contact with Tara…I have got to make some final decisions. I can’t wait to get a new blog look! Nancy
Great post Beth. We’ll have our 26th anniversary in just a few weeks. I’ve decided that I’m going to start treating my DH like we are dating again. In other words, more polite, extra kind and considerate. I’m calling it my March experiment. 🙂 We have a great marriage, but I’d love to make it even better.
I think the problem comes when we forget to take every thought captive. I could be wrong but I think we miss understand that verse in
2Cr 10:5 Casting down Imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
I think that we usually think it means only the bad ungodly thoughts. However, I think we should take EVERY thought captive good or bad because sometimes what we think is good doesn’t hold water when we compare it the scriptures or sometimes there are things that we shouldn’t say even if they are not bad you know.
anyway these are just my thoughts 😉 I know that often I need to watch what I say or how I say it especially when I am tired. I have said somethings over our 6 years together that I know my husband should have probably smacked me for not that he ever would but I wondered afterwards why he didn’t
Anyway- I like to ramble. You have a beautiful daughter.
Great post, Beth! I like how you shared the example with your hubby. I, too, find myself treating my husband much differently than my “friends!” I say things to him that I would NEVER say to a girlfriend!
Blessings, FRIEND!
Such a great post, filled with God’s wisdom!
Oh Beth… can I tell you that so much of what you said sounds just like me. We are always a major work in progress aren’t we? Thankfully we have the greatest guide to achieve our goals. I’m right there with you, girl!
Glad to hear that like us all you are still learning to walk…sometimes you tumble, but it is exciting to walk so you get up and seek to move to the outstretched hands.